Trampolines: cleansing the gene pool of losers since whenever they were invented.

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I hate it when bums come and splash dirty water all over my car too.

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Women in SUVs, is there anything they can't destroy?

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Maybe you shouldn't be picking up vans and SUVs with a lift meant for small cars?

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That's how it's done, sports fans!

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Some crazy grandmother starts attacking random people in the street.

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There's more than one way to have fun in a hurricane.

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Someone forgot to tell him not to play in the street, apparently.

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If you were attempting to dive head-first into a potted plant off a high building, then you succeeded fantastically.

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No mater how bad you may think Britney's music is, trust me, reality is worse.

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Shit, we've got an unconscious girl in our garage, what should be do with her?

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Laugh now, Dad; in a few years, she'll be wrecking your car.

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Kite surfing in the path of a hurricane might not have been the brightest idea ever.

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It takes a special genius to try and climb a half-fallen, unstable tree. It takes an even specialer genius to swing an ax at his foot.

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I knew a kid in middle school who chipped his tooth this way.

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So you can afford a Lamborghini, but you have to get your water from a public fountain? You're doing something wrong.

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Life without rum is a horrible thing.

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Barack Obama will never give you up or let you down. Can't say that for John McCain.

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I think our goal for getting back to the Moon should be to re-landscape it to look like the Death Star.

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If the name of the game is bowling for pedestrians, that driver picked up a nice spare.

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