Probably would've been a better idea to just pull over and get arrested, unless you were facing a death penalty.

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Might want to get your nose gear checked. Just a thought.

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He's gonna need a really good back massage after that.

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Hope he gets a conjugal honeymoon.

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Hey, let's dive into fire! What could go wrong?

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Never fuck with an old bald dude who knows kung fu.

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Grandpa's got wood, but I think he's pretty much the only one.

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Probably the longest drive he's ever hit in his life, but I hope he didn't have anything important in that backpack...

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Well that's not a hard race to win.

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Ever seen a backhoe climb onto a train car before?

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I wanna be the guy who trains dogs to go stick their noses in people's crotches. Oh wait, they do that anyway.

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This is why Jesus rode around on donkeys instead of Harleys.

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He must've forgotten that he just had a normal bike, not a flying bike.

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It really does take skill to crash a shopping cart. She should get a medal.

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College students are so intelligent, aren't they?

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Just because your boyfriend teabags you every night doesn't mean you can take a ball that big in your face.

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That's definitely not the only thing she's gotten hit in the face with.

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No gym class is complete without the one dude who's always trying to do crazy stunts that piss off the gym teacher.

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I had to watch an opera once, and trust me, this was a lot more entertaining.

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Looks a lot more exciting than biking down the street to Dairy Queen, which is all I ever do.

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